My body and I are getting in sync

It didn’t take too long to feel myself in by body again. I’ve been doing a lot of stretching and rolling out my muscles. I have been eating well and am planning on hitting the gym tonight. Let me rephrase: I am carving out time in my day to hit the gym. I know it will feel good and I will be able to fit everything in.

I signed up for a half marathon in late Feb, so here we go again! Another wild running ride. It’s nice to have a few weeks to get my body ready for training.

And - to make sure I actually GO to the gym today - I'm putting on my gym clothes for my 4:00 meeting. I can always find more work to do, so this will be my cue that I need to put my bod first.

Let’s do it!

My body and I are beginning again

Another resurgence: of energy, of commitment, of dedication. 

My body and I are beginning again. We’re re-starting fresh.

I’m beginning a cleanse (again) – the Standard Process cleanse. My modification is that I am including protein from the start. This is because I intend to work out regularly and don’t want to feel depleted. I’m going to the gym after work today for the first time in over a year. I’ve been doing other things, of course, but I’d like to get back into a gym habit.

Food and fitness are my focus for the remainder of 2014 and the duration of 2015. I will be vigilant. I will be committed. I will learn discipline and it will be done my way, for me.

I know this is a life-long practice. And I might as well start now. So, expect to hear more from me. Let’s see what unfolds…

My body and I have started to do some activities together

Yesterday, we went for a walk and this morning we did some yoga. 

We're reconnecting, and it's slow. I hardly recognize my body and it feels like we've spent some significant time apart. With the season changing, it's time to put more energy into this lifelong relationship I've had. Time to get to know each other again and find new ways to connect.

Running just doesn't do it anymore. We're bored of it. We will run again, I'm sure of it. Just not right now. We would rather walk and take each other in.

I am quick to justify treating my body like crap again. But I got up early and did yoga... surely I "deserve" a bagel. And for what? Yes it will taste good. But I know the nutrients of a bagel will not refuel me, and most times I feel disgusting after a bagel. My body rebels.

I read through a wonderful blog by The Oatmeal for the 10th time. It talks about running and I just found out that The Blerch has a 10k/half/full marathon in September. They did it for the first time this year. I like the tone that The Oatmeal takes. Hopefully you will enjoy it too.

***Addendum: I didn't get a bagel, but I did get wheat toast with peanut butter. I was really hungry. And I enjoyed this article about a guy doing hot yoga and wanted to share it here.

My body and I have apparently separated

We took the weekend apart from one another. It's a shame, too. We were up at a farm in New Hampshire and had the chance to reconnect in a deep, meaningful way. Unfortunately, I chose to smoke pot which led to drinking beers, which led to an unhealthy amount of food. 

In truth, it wasn't that bad. A lot of the food I ate was fresh off the vine. But it just kept going and going. I didn't have the trigger that said: "stop." Instead, I thought: "last weekend to eat all you can before you jump head first into a big diet." And of course that's dangerous thinking.

I even ended up staying home today. I just woke up feeling bad about myself. I'm doing better today - made a healthy breakfast and have plans for a healthy dinner. We're getting back in touch, my body and I. We have a morning date at yoga tomorrow morning which will be a wake up call. I know that's a practice that will bring us back together.

So I will keep writing about it. To keep myself honest and to stay connected to my body. And to seed this community.

My body has power centers

My long run this weekend felt really long. I walked a bit. I went into CVS to get water. I tried to take in what was around me, but mostly looked at my feet. My legs felt heavy and tired. They wanted to stop moving. So I would walk during those times.

What I noticed is that, if I shifted my concentration to other parts of my body – my core, my sacrum – I got a burst of energy. My sacrum is strong and can “take on” a lot of the energy of the run. I had felt this before, but remembered it again yesterday. It was a welcome familiarity.

I think I’m also someone who is prone to dehydration, maybe more easily than others. I drank two full Poland spring squirty bottles during the run and still had dry mouth. Flushing out the system and stretching are two sneaky areas where I think I need to put my focus.

Mentally, it’s been a hell of a week. I’ve been all over the place. My mind and my body are working on two completely different puzzles. The run helped bring them together a bit. I am going to try and take my body on the runs during the week. I think our loosening up together makes a big difference.

Bodies of all backgrounds eat

I came across this piece the other day. 

http://www.nationalgeographic.com/foodfeatures/hunger/

It helped put my life with my body in perspective. As I think about cutting back on expenses and eating well, I must remember how lucky I am to be in a place in my life where I can afford to eat healthy foods. 

I've also always wondered why, when poor people are pictured, they appear overweight. This article has a nice response to that exact question - 
"The answer is 'this paradox that hunger and obesity are two sides of the same coin,' says Melissa Boteach, vice president of the Poverty and Prosperity Program of the Center for American Progress, 'people making trade-offs between food that's filling but not nutritious may actually contribute to obesity.' For many of the hungry in America, the extra pounds that result from a poor diet are collateral damage - an unintended side effect of hunger itself."

I weighed my body last night

I weighed my body last night. It was a wake up call. I had assumed that just talking with my body more would mean that my weight would go down – somehow, we would be in better tune which would mean that there’s less noise (read: pounds) between us. Not so.

I have started my cleanse again. This time, I will allow myself SOME wine, and protein. It feels silly not to have protein and be running all of these miles. So far, so good – I ordered some more powers/pills as part of the Standard Process cleanse.

It is almost lunch and my body is calling for it.

I would really like to feel a life shift here, and I think I’m close. I remember the days when I would shove anything in my body that my mind wanted. I can’t even fathom those days. I had dessert on Sat night and it felt insanely different. It was all processed things – cookies, Nutella, fluff. Wow. I ran 11 miles the next day to shake some of it off.

So, here we go… recover, begin again.

I am conscious of the fuel I’m putting into my body and my muscles and bones get a rest after yesterday’s run. It’s lovely.

I have been heavy on my body lately

I've been treating my body poorly. I've been slacking on runs, drinking too much, smoking weed and over eating. This is not new.

And...

Now that I'm in a relationship with my body, the beat goes on. It's not a brand new start, I'm course correcting. And it's a good thing. 

It's about to rain and I'm forcing myself to go out for my 3 mile run. 

I keep acting like life is black and white: I will have a full-blown party weekend or I will have a weekend where I sleep and rest and eat well. It feels like I am giving myself a choice between two extreme scenarios. But there is so much grey in between.

This weekend, I've chosen to stay around town, indeed, to get some rest and get a few things done (including an 11 miler). And I hope to find some joy. 

I left my computer at work the other night and it was quite liberating. My body and I love watching tv, and I'm noticing how much down time it really eats up. With it in my life, it feels like I am working and watching and not much else. I would like to leave my computer at work more - we will see how that goes.

My body and I picked out some healthy eats today and we're fighting off some allergies. So, we're going to run in the woods and then get clean and get some rest. SoulCycle tomorrow morning - woo hoo!

My body can help me let go of guilt

I had a wonderful, long, Fourth of July weekend. 

Before leaving for the trip, I got into a fight with sister and immediately felt guilt. It was hard to sleep and I knew I had to get up very early the next morning to head down and catch my ferry boat at 6am. The guilt plagued me. It was hard to sleep, I woke up in the middle of the night, I got up grumpy.

My mind tried to shake it, but the guilt stayed with my body and I all the way down the cape and all the way on the ferry over to Nantucket. I couldn't sleep it off, I couldn't think it out, it just stayed.

My body and I went for a run and I said to both of us: "this is it. sweat all the guilt out on this run. no more guilt once I shower this sweat off." It was empowering and it worked. It happens at Soul Cycle too, my instructor will say things like "if there's something you can't shake, put it on the wheel." Making a glimpse of an idea tangible helps get it out.

Other forms of guilt showed up this weekend. They were forms that were harder to shake. But at least there wasn't a massive pile on. 

Breathe it out

Sweat it out

Dance it out

Scream it out

All of these activities help me move from my mind into my body. I am not someone who can "think" something out. Our bodies are incredible.

My body and I have embarked on a fun daily thing

My body and I went out for a run this morning. While we were out, I thought about this app called "1 Second Everyday." A friend had recently made and posted a video of a year on Facebook, and it made me think that I could use that platform to capture something I'm doing that honors my body every day. 

Right away, I thought about videotaping the run itself. Then, as I was stretching, I found that videotaping my shadow as I was stretching would be a more fun way to capture the spirit of the morning and set the stage for the kind of care I want to give my body.

On the nutrition front, I've been noticing that I get really warm after eating certain kinds of foods. A few months ago, a friend told me about Chinese warming and cooling foods. I did some more homework and want to start noticing where this comes into play. As someone who usually "runs" hot, it's good to be aware of.

My body appreciates me when I take care of it

I've noticed that, when I am nice to my body, it responds. Even within a day or a week. Each day really does make a difference, which is important for me to remember when I've got down a bit of a junky rabbit hole and am telling myself that "who cares, I'm already in this." It does matter what I put in my body moment to moment.

It's Sunday evening and my body and I had a nice weekend. We went to CT to see my folks - took in some swimming at a giant pool, stopped at Sleeping Giant State Park for a run on the way home, and ate some good food. 

Tomorrow, it's up early for SoulCycle. I have a few things to do tonight for work, but I'm not sweating it. Well, actually, I am because it's hot as balls. I will be rocking the A/C to sleep tonight.

To warm the soul, I heard about a new documentary coming out called SuperMensch. It's about a rock manager named Shep Gordon. I heard him and Mike Myers (director) interviewed on fresh air and they are both just lovely people. Shep mentions that fish, when hooked, release a poison in their system. They just let go. It's fascinating to me that they have such control over their bodies - like some kind of instinctual kill switch. In my mind, our kill switch is pumping poison into our bodies over time. In some cases it's conscious, in others, not so much.

This weekend, I chose (mostly) to avoid poisons and get active. I know the choice will not always write itself, but I would like it to always be a conscious choice.

My body is resilient

I am bouncing back. Turns out my body loves being listened to and respected. When my body is respected, it’s a gratuitous cycle: I listen to my body -> I give it what it needs -> it shows up differently -> I feel good -> I listen to my body…

Liberating myself from the junk and major grains in my apartment has been incredibly freeing. A nutrition friend once told me that she had a client who had a lot of leftover cheese from a party. The woman knew the cheese was not the best choice for her body, but she felt like it was her job to finish the cheese up from the party. I COMPLETELY empathize with that sentiment. My nutritionist friend had a very clear reaction to that: “So you’re planning on, literally, treating your body like a trash can.” That has stuck with me.

This weekend I will be with family, which is often very emotional. Thankfully, meals and time with them are somewhat limited. It’s easy for me to lose my body when I am with my family. Emotions and doing what’s necessary takes over. It interrupts the harmony. It’s no fault of any of theirs, old habits just kick in more easily.

My body can tell that it’s Friday. There’s a kind of relaxing feeling, or calm. A good way to be before traveling to be with the fam.

My body demands respect

I’ve been getting distant from my body recently. I’ve been putting things between us: junk, alcohol, not enough sleep. I haven’t been listening. Finally, my body is demanding to be heard.

I’ve gone through a sweep of the food I’ve been collecting (hoarding) to “treat” myself. I’ve scheduled a haircut to get the long split ends off. We’re going streamlined. 

My body and I have been out of touch

We’ve been running, sleeping, driving, and doing other things together – we just haven’t been talking much. It’s true for me that alcohol begets distance between us. We had a few big nights, little sleep, and we’ve just been getting distant.

Today, I had major road rage and my body tensed up. My body gets physically scared when the rage shows up. I downed some carbs in response (almost mindlessly). I’ve got a salad for lunch for us, which I’m hoping my body will welcome.

Breathing, meditating, being are showing up as being needed by my body. We’re supposed to go on a run tonight but we’re already second guessing it. We’ll see where the afternoon road takes us.

I know tomorrow we're going to ROCK Soul Cycle in the morning. I missed, and really missed, last week's Wed morning power ritual.

My body's calves are barking

I kicked off the week’s training with a run up a long hill. My body set the alarm off in my calves and the rest of the relatively short, easy run was brutal.

This made me think of the importance of stretching my body. I still have yet to do that, and it’s been two days since that happened. But at least I thought about it (?).

I am realizing that there’s an emerging category of taking care of my body in the form of stretching and hydration. It often gets lumped in with nutrition or even exercise, but it feels important enough to have its own category.

I forced my body to eat a sausage egg and cheese this morning against its will

I don’t feel great about it. I am also trying not to beat myself up either.

What’s fascinating is that I kind of talked myself into “deserving” it for a variety of reasons – I am not running today so I can take a break, It’s to “finish off” the weekend (whatever that means), I want to check in with the neighborhood and hang at the place where I bought it for a bit, I will eat a salad for lunch and dinner so breakfast can be a bit unhealthy. They seem almost silly to type now.

As I was walking back to my car with the piping hot breakfast sandwich in my hands, I asked my body if it wanted to eat this. It said no. I didn't listen to my body.

I am reading Twyla Tharpe’s book: “The Creative Habit.” She talks about artists taking a certain perspective to show people their world. Some people are very close in, writing lots of detail others take a long view (e.g., historical fiction). I notice that my mind jumps from one to the other very quickly and finds the best place to make a case for why I should make my body do something.

So, now, my body is digesting the food I made it eat. It has not rebelled or anything, by my stomach feels full (too full) and the grease seems to have left a residue on my hands and it feels like the grease will come out in my sweat. I am planning to eat salad for lunch and I did drink a smoothie this morning, so there is some fuel in there, but I just overwhelmed the fuel with grease.

I’ll keep breathing, and listening. 

My body and I went swimming this morning

Swimming is a wonderful way to get in touch with my body in a completely new way. The feeling of being immersed in water, with every muscle working to keep my body floating and moving through the water felt incredible.

I noticed my neck and how it moves front to back. My neck tended to get forced down a lot while swimming and dealing with my massive amounts of hair, so it felt wonderful to pause and stretch it out during the swim. That’s the thing about switching up how my body moves – there are always new things to discover.

I also noticed that swimming makes me particularly hungry afterwards. I was really craving protein and vegetables. I notice my body asking me for that kind of thing now. Of course, there are times when Goldfish and a Coke sound like a dream team (like right now).

My body and I are at the airport now. We’re both looking forward to getting home and getting some rest. I completed a full week of marathon training, which feels fantastic and is cause for celebration. 1 week down, 17 more to go. It feels good to be starting strong and taking it day by day. Tomorrow is a rest day… no problem! 

My body and I went to a wedding this weekend

Having a marathon training schedule is keeping my body moving. I flew to Pittsburgh yesterday for a wedding this weekend and I got up early to run before my 9:00am flight. The schedule required only a short run, but it needed to happen.

I had a grand plan to select cool places to run in Pittsburgh and make a whole thing out of it. It didn’t work and I am so grateful that I motivated my body to head out before taking off.

I also had a long run this weekend (8 miles today) to get through. My body and I spent a good portion of last night drinking and eating, so I was sure I would need to switch my long run and my cross-training days – for my body’s sake. This morning, I woke up and just went for it. I treated myself and my body to a delicious smoothie.

My body and I ended up eating a lot of snacky foods today. Nothing insane and not too much sugar, but a lot of chip-like things, for sure. Rather than eating more and more, I decided to take my body to bed (or lose it forever*). Now my body and I are writing. We’re enjoying getting to know each other as a team. Good night, my body. I love you.

*paraphrased quote from the movie Top Gun

My body doesn’t crave junk

My mind does. After the exercise-filled day yesterday, I thought to myself: “I definitely earned some dessert.” Then I checked in with my body and my body wasn’t into it. Sugar before bed felt like a dumb idea because my body wanted to get a good night’s sleep.

Lying in bed with my body felt very rewarding last night. My body reminded me this morning that it would like to be stretched out a bit more. I will make sure to do some of that before/after my run this afternoon. Thank goodness it’s a bit shorter. I’m also taking my body on a plane tomorrow, so stretching will help with all of that sitting too.

I am noticing that the upper part of my body likes to sit over the pelvic/sacrum area of my body. Keeping good posture actually makes my body feel better rather than being a pain in the ass. I have to pay continual attention to keeping my body up and structured that way, but I can hear my body feel stronger and more connected when I keep an upright posture.

My body and I are enjoying a salad and kombucha for lunch. I will listen, later, when my mind brings up dessert. Who knows? Maybe my body will be into it by then… I’ll just have to keep listening.

My body and I went to Soulcycle this morning

It was awesome. I am newly addicted to the cult of Soulcycle and can’t get enough. The classes are so upbeat and fun, I find myself smiling all the time. I set the intention of having a two-way dialogue with my body during the class and it was remarkable! At one point, it felt like my body took the reins and I was just sitting back and observing. This was the first time in class that my body sat in the front row. We earned our way there and it felt great.

My body and I also had a 5 mile run for marathon training to do, so it was a busy body day. We took in healthy foods, including a lot of vegetables and protein to keep us going.

My body is tired and we’re hitting the hay. All in all, a fantastic day – one I would like to have with my body again and again. My body is capable of so much!

My body has two sides

My body and I were getting ready to go out last night and I noticed that my body has this whole other side: my back! We were staying at a friend's house and drying our hair in front of the mirror. We turned around and looked back and I saw this whole side of my body that I hadn't seen before. It made me realize that I am a 360 degree person and presence. I spend so much time thinking about my body's belly and it was a combination of scary and comforting to realize this other side.

I've never been great about consistently putting on lotion. My body and I are going to start this ritual as a way to further connect us to one another. I need to be patient and explore this other side of my body (back) that I really just noticed in a real way for the first time yesterday.

In other exciting news, we completed our second day of marathon training. I noticed that I was in my head a lot - not really listening to every part of what my body was doing or saying. Not to fear, there is more running tomorrow to explore this. 

I stopped by the grocery store on my way home for dinner and I had another realization as I grabbed for some yogurt. I need to be aware and listening to my body as I put things in it. It's not only about healthy, healthy, healthy... it's also about listening to how my body interacts with the food I bring home. It's a little bit like dating, in that I'm watching for how my body reacts to different food groups, like I'm introducing a boyfriend to different groups of friends: who gets along? Where is there tension? With whom does my body get grumpy? laugh with?

Fascinating. Good night all - my body and I are waking up early for Soulcycle in the morning. It's turning into one of our favorite things to do together! 

My body and I start marathon training today

Ironically, the first day is actually a “rest” day, so we’re feeling pretty good about day 1. 

We “ran” (read: walked a lot of) a marathon 3 years ago in Chicago and we want to do this one with gusto and connected to one another. The one we signed up for is in the Champlain Lakes (VT) in late October. My hope is that the training will give us a chance to get to know each other better.

We are on Nantucket and went out for a bike ride and smoothie this morning. My body loves being able to do something easy like that in the morning. So do I.

We’ve made some progress in The Body Book and we’re loving it. Cameron Diaz (I have to say her whole name, otherwise it feels even weirder) starts off by talking about the body at a cellular level. At our very scientific foundation, our bodies need fuel to feel energetic and full of life. So the first section of the book is about nutrition. We’re looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Otherwise, we got a good night’s sleep last night. I know sleep will be a big category, just like nutrition is. How much, under what conditions, in what climate, sleep will matter.

We’re working today from a friend's house in Nantucket, which means we get to wear comfortable clothes and sit outside if we want to. Biking around this morning, my body felt awake. I’m feeling more and more that I need to move my body to a place where nature plays a more prominent role.

I took my body to a concert last night

I failed and passed some tests last night that I faced as they pertain to my body. I took my body to a Dave Matthews Band concert yesterday afternoon and evening.

The morning started off well. My body and I walked to the book store and picked up Cameron Diaz’s, The Body Book. Apparently there is a whole Mind and Body section at Porter Square books. How exciting! While we were out, we picked up some nice healthy things to make smoothies. Our breakfast smoothie was delicious and so easy to make. I love smoothies. We (my body and I) both do.

My body and I left for the concert around 1:00pm. We went with another friend and all arrived at the venue around 2:00pm. Our plan was to tailgate and the lot didn’t open until 3:30pm. So, we all went to grab a beer.

Food/Drinking/Smoking Pot (FAIL)

A thing that often gets between me and my body is alcohol. Once I start drinking, the flood gates open for any kind of (usually junky) food to come on in and bring all of its friends. Smoking pot oddly connects me to my body in some ways, but (also) always results in my overeating and eventually creating distance between me and my body for days afterwards. So, I made my body eat more than it wanted to. I could fabricate some story about giving my tastebuds something to keep them interested, but really it was just poison and excess after a point.

Sun Management (WIN)

I know some Vitamin D is good, but because we were in a parking lot under the blazing sun for hours and hours, I made sure to put on and reapply sunblock as well as spend some time in the shade. I didn’t burn myself too bad, and I felt like I had some good Vitamin D flowing.

Exercise/Movement (TIE)

I made a point to do some walking in the morning because I knew it would be a long day. We are glad we got in an hour of walking prior to leaving for the show. We also took some time to walk around the concert and stretch our legs/digest some of what we ate. We danced a bit at the concert, but ultimately should have worn more supportive shoes. The flops didn’t cover it. The day + the pot made my body and I feel really tired.

So, my body and I are trying to reset things today. We’re in communication about what each party needs. We are managing to take a little getaway – 30 miles out to sea – where there is plenty of room and opportunity to move around together and reconnect.

We will take it day by day and I brought The Body Book for us to digest together.

I've got a new relationshp

...because my old one ended last night.

He and I dated for 3 months, which is about the longest relationship I've had - save the one I'm in starting today. I've had my body for 31 years and have made the decision to start dating my body today.

I don't know what this looks like yet. 

I know we've been sleeping together every night for 31 years. 

I hope my body is interested in dating me. At times, I've been abusive to my body. I've let my body down. I've hurt my body deeply. I've ignored my body. I've talked a lot of shit about my body. And so begins the journey of showing my body that I care and will be here for my body unconditionally. 

This will take time. My first step is to spend some money on my body. I'm heading out this morning to get ingredients for a morning smoothie and to purchase The Body Book by Cameron Diaz. I'll admit that I'm skeptical and feeling like any attention I can spend on and with my body will be worth it. 

I hope my body likes the day that I have planned.

In the evening, I will be taking my body to a concert. I'm hoping the vibrations and dancing will encourage my body to let loose a little bit. Tomorrow through Wednesday, I'm taking my body to the ocean. We're starting off kind of big. I guess I feel I have a lot to make up to my body (see two paragraphs above). 

I'll be taking it day by day, and so will my body. Like other relationships I've been in, I'm hoping that we settle into some good grooves and keep things spontaneous. 

Here goes! Off to the grocery and bookstores - oh, and I'm walking. I think my body and I could use some quality walking time together.